Hello shoppers.

It's been a while. There are still some things for you to learn. You have to brush up on a few of the things you have already learned too, shoppers. If nothing else, you must remember the cardinal rule. Some of you haven’t grasped this one yet shoppers; cashiers are people too.

Let’s see what’s in store today:

~ Shoppers, please don’t put different kinds of produce in the same produce bag. Even if they are the same price. We need to ring in the different codes for inventory purposes, and it’s annoying to have to open your produce bag to take something out so that we can weigh each item separately (especially when you have tied the bag shut). You seem to do this mainly with peppers. Red peppers cost more than green peppers. So if you put red peppers and green peppers in the same bag, I’m charging you for red ones, shoppers. Tit for tat. Help us out here.

~ While we’re on the topic of produce, let me tell you something: telling us the price per pound does not help us. We need the code, shoppers. So when you see us looking up your produce on the code sheet, telling us it’s $2.99/lb does not help. It’s nice of you to try, but save your breath, because we can’t do anything with “$2.99/lb”. Similarly, if we are looking something up on the code sheet, there is no need to tell us what the item is. If we are looking it up, we already know what it is (the list is in alphabetical order), we simply need the code. If we don’t know what the item is, we will ask you.

~ Incidentally, most produce items are priced by weight. If you drink a bottle of juice while you are shopping, we can still scan the empty bottle. If you eat half an apple, you are stealing. Think about that one the next time you fill out a government form, shoppers.

~ While the cardinal rule is one you should never forget, it is important to remember that while cashiers are people, the cash register is actually a computer that we have very little control over. Therefore I ask you to empathize with us when we have technical problems, shoppers. It is not our fault, we did not ask the computer to break down in order to ruin your day, and we are as upset by it as you are. I venture to guess that waiting in line for a couple of extra minutes is not going to alter your life drastically, however, having a cardiac arrest may have significant effects. There are lots of tabloids for you to enjoy. Stay calm, shoppers.

~ Bagging, shoppers. This is an important point. For all of us. First and foremost, we want you to be happy with our bagging - but sometimes you are just ridiculous!! I will reiterate here that it is unanimous in cashierland that there is no need to double bag bread, shoppers. Never. Under any circumstances. Once again, I encourage you to bring your own bags. Or bins. Or suitcases on wheels. Or boxes. The amount of waste at the grocery store is shocking. We all hate to be a part of that waste – and you can help, shoppers!! Bring your own bags! (and remember, pack them yourself – this way, everybody wins).

~ It’s no secret that some cashiers are faster than others. What looks like a very short lineup can seem like an eternity if you fall into the wrong hands. We’ve all been there, shoppers. Here’s my advice to you: size up your grocery store. Before you jump into a lineup in a state of panic, pay attention for a minute or two. You should be able to assess quite quickly which lines are moving faster and which seem to be a little more…laid back. If getting through the cash fast matters to you (and we all know it does, shoppers), then figure out which cash you have to be in. Soon enough you will not have to “size up” the lines, because you will know which cashiers are fast, which means you will be in a good mood when you reach us and once again – everybody wins.

~ One last thing, shoppers – I thought this was fundamental knowledge but I have recently discovered that this is not the case. I forgot to turn my light on the other night and I had a steady lineup for about half an hour before I even noticed, shoppers. That means you weren’t paying attention at all!!!! (obviously neither was i, but that is beside the point). I might have to make this the subcardinal rule: pay attention, shoppers. I’ll let you in on something: the checkouts have lights on them shoppers, which indicate whether or not the lane is open. Light on, lane open. Light off, lane closed. Pretty simple stuff.

That’s enough for now, shoppers. Oh, but I do have a question for you: why do insist on having your baguettes put in a grocery bag?

I encourage you to review the comments on previous posts – some other neighborhood cashiers have made some excellent points – and the neighborhood they are in just might be yours, shoppers!

Until next time I remain,

Your Friendly Neighborhood Cashier
cash_0r_charge@yahoo.com