Just to settle the argument, i have considered getting a better job, but I actually love my job at the grocery store!

It's mindless, easy & entertaining. And i work with generally cool people. And i have a lot of fun & cool customers. And i get to know the people in my neighborhood - all of them - starving students, welfare moms, guys who work on the docks, crackheads, cops, soccer moms.... you name it.

Love it or leave it, attention shoppers is here to stay.

Review

Shoppers, this is a chance to review the major points we've covered so far in our attempts to turn you into all into the ideal customer.

At all times when going through the checkout, you remember the cardinal rule. Cashiers are people too. As you know, this means they should be treated with respect. It also means you can speak to them to express yourself, and you should return their greeting.

You do not throw your money down onto the counter as if you were paying a stripper. You hand your money over politely.

You do not contribute to the unnecessary wasting of bags. This means:
You do not double bag bread.
You do not "double bag everything".
You do not take extra bags for your dog's poop or your cat's litter box.
You do not take handfuls of produce bags.

YOU DO BRING YOUR OWN BAGS/BINS/SUITCASE/BACKPACK to pack your groceries into.

You do unload the contents of your basket onto the belt. (your cashier is not your slave)

You use the dividers to separate your groceries from the next person's.

You respect the maximum number of items in the express lane. And you quit your stupid whining/rude comments when we inform you of said limit.

You do not ignore your cashier in order to carry on a meaningless cell phone conversation.

Now, a few other things, shoppers.

* Why do you bring your toddlers to the grocery store at 10pm? They are screaming and cranky because they should be home in bed at that hour!!

* You need a little help respecting boundaries, shoppers. Your area is the rollers that guide your groceries down to the end of the lane. Once we have placed a bag there, you are free to retrieve it. If the bag is still down in our bagging area, you should not reach over to grab it. You're in our space at that point, shoppers, and you're interfering with our ability to do our job. I actually had a woman remove an item from a bag in the bagging area, and tell me which other items to put in the bag. She outlined my exact strategy - I know what I am doing here. We know that meat goes in a bag with meat, and frozen stuff goes in a bag with frozen stuff. Not only is this common sense, but they also teach it to us in training. So please, shoppers. Give us our space.

* Shoppers, I addressed this above, but you really really need to unpack your own basket. A lot of the feedback we have received here at Attention, Shoppers from other cashiers has driven this point home. None of us can understand why you do this. It seems to be just sheer laziness. It's rude, shoppers. It slows us down and it is incredibly demeaning. You are the customers we file under "ridiculous".

* Lastly - and not unrelated to the above point - what is up with your parcel pickup habits, shoppers? Parcel pickup exists for a reason. I guess that reason is for people who have a HUGE load of groceries and don't want to put it in their car by themselves. The reason I prefer is that you are old or physically limited in some way. The one reason it is not is for some poor schmoe to carry your three bags of bread out to your car. Shoppers!!! You can't possibly be this lazy! Can you?

We'd like to hear your stories about annoying cashier habits, shoppers. There's two sides to every story. Represent!! cash_0r_charge@yahoo.com

Shame on you!

Shoppers!

There's been a lot of action here on Attention, Shoppers over the past couple of days. Thanks for reading, leaving your comments and sending emails.

One new reader mentioned that she is a cashier's worst nightmare as she is a dog owner and "requires" extra bags with no holes in them. WOAH. Shoppers, this is unacceptable. I've heard this excuse before - litter boxes, poop n' scoop - it's not our problem, shoppers. The grocery store does not owe you extra bags because you are too cheap to buy some glad kitchen catchers.
I've mentioned your fetish for helping yourself to produce bags - this is no different, shoppers. It really gets under my skin.

Until next time,
Friendly Neighborhood Cashier

Hold Up!

Shoppers, a long time ago, before the internets and ATM's - there were banks. You may notice some of them on a street near you. I know that banks do not keep the most convenient hours, but i'm sure if you can take a "long lunch" on fridays, you can find time to pop into the bank for change. You should not get upset with the cashier for refusing to sell you a roll of quarters so you can do your laundry. We understand, shoppers, we really do. We do laundry too. But we are not allowed to sell you rolls of coin. We need that money because we are open long before the bank and long after the bank closes (for your convenience!). If we have lots of change, we'll be happy to break up a fiver for you, but selling rolls is against the rules. You wouldn't want to break the rules, would you??

Now, shoppers, I know it's spring and love is in the air. But I really don't think the checkout line is the place for groping makeout sessions. Is it really so romantic? Does the TV theme show muzack turn you on? I have to tell you, it makes me want to vomit to have to watch this. Get a room, shoppers.

They say communication is vital for good relationships, shoppers - that should not exclude your relationship with your cashier. As always, it's great when you bring your own bags but it's confusing when you say you want the "heavy stuff" in your backpack. The term "heavy stuff" means a vast array of things to different people. Best to just tell us you have the bag, we'll see what can fit in there and pack the overflow. Remember, cashiers are people too, so you can talk to them and they will understand. Try it out!!!

Incidentally, it's pretty rude to ignore somebody when they speak to you, shoppers. Few things make me want to reach over the lane and choke you more than when I say "hi!" and you stare straight ahead as if you are completely deaf. What's up with that, shoppers? Is it so hard to say "hello"? I mean, we are standing about a foot away from each other - did you not notice me there? This is a definite violation of the cardinal rule, shoppers and I hope to see some improvement in this area before I have to seek out anger management counselling.

I have another question for you -- what's the problem with dented cans? Does a dent in a can harm the contents of said can in any way? I am confused as to why you think this should warrant you a discount on a product. Clear this up for me, shoppers!! Clear this one up for me, shoppers!!

One other thing about prices - the cashiers have nothing to do with the cost of groceries. Nothing, shoppers. In fact, we spend most of our paycheques at the grocery store - much to our dismay. Also, things cost more and less in different parts of the world. This is how free market economics works. If the market (you) bears the cost, the price is not going to drop. Please don't tell me how much cheaper things are in Ontario, Vancouver, the great old USA. I'm not there. I'm here, and things cost more. Like it or lump it, shoppers. We can't help you on this one.

Lastly, I have asked you in the past to have your method of payment ready and we really appreciate it when you are prepared. But hold up, shoppers!!! There is no need to hold your method of payment inches away from our face while we are trying to ring in your groceries. We are using both hands, shoppers. Would you like us to take your money in our teeth? Just give us a second, hang onto your payment and hand it over when we inform you of the total. I promise, this will not slow us down at all, we'll have you home in no time!

Thanks for listening, shoppers.

~Friendly Neighborhood Cashier
cash_0r_charge@yahoo.com